I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
