Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
It's shark week go big or go home
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
