I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
