there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alive.
So much puke
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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