she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
