Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Randomize
