If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
