Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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