Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
