STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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