Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
