He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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