Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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