My room smells like vodka and shame
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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