my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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