Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
