i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
