Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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