I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
