We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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