epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
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Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
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Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
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