So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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