I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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