God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
