i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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