When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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