the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
