dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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