We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You are a genius and a whore.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
