just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Dignity is for republicans.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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