remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Couch. On fire.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
