just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
