after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
My life is pants optional.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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