a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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