Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
