just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
