So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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