The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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