I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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