I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
