In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
