I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
