So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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