Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
