when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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