i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Randomize
