Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize