They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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