i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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