i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
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Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
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I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar