who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.