also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation