While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
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Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
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I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on