I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
