I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
you will always have a special place in my vag
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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