Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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