I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Randomize
