I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
