Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
