Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
