I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
please come you make the beer taste better
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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