dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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