I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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