I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
