a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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