if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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