I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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