Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
